Doing What Makes Me Happy

JackaBee Books is a collection of my works and every day thoughts.

By the age of three I knew I wanted to be a nurse, and at the age of seven, I wanted to become a Price is Right Model/actress. So by the age of twelve, I wanted to write. My father only agreed to nursing. At age nineteen, I walked across the stage to receive my nursing certificate. Unfortunately, I never past my boards and till this day I am still chasing a dream that I really don't want anymore. Now, I know that it is in me to care for people, but deep down inside, I would rather write. Over the years, I resented all nurses because I wasn't one of them and I felt like a failure, and I still do at times, I'm slowly getting over that feeling. Although I recently had my first book published, It's hard for me to get over that empty feeling. I used to feel empty because I don't have any credentials behind my name. More than half of the people that I know, especially in my family, have college degrees, rather it's a BS or Masters; I don't have that, all I have is a nursing certificate, BONET certificate, and a driver's license. I have always day dreamed about writing such as at work, in school as I was taking my prerequisites for RN and before I went to bed and when I woke up, I thought about writing. I'm beginning to see that no matter how many degrees you have or what your title is, if you are not happy doing what you want to do, then you are not going to be able to fully concentrate on your job, and chances are, you are going to be very unhappy eventually and you definately cannot give it your all. ( you will eventually get depressed and crack). I learned that the hard way. The only time I was happy at work was when I lived in L.A. and I was working for Central Casting part- time. I was an extra, and every time I went to different sets, I felt at ease, I knew that I was set out to be an actress. I regret letting that go, but you haven't lived unless you have something to regret. I have been out of work a year next month and I have been so happy, actually I was at my happiest last month because I have recently accepted the fact that, although I can't quit my day job, ( I will be returning next month)I can escape to my land of writing when I get off work and be happy. For years I couldn't make that balance, but now I can because I believe in myself. My life is complete now because I wrote my first book and to see it in a book form,I think that is every writer's dream. I just can't explain how over joyed I was. Now, I'm not saying that it was the best, because it wasn't. I will say that the illustrations are awesome,but it had so many grammatical errors and that is why they are being corrected at this moment.That experience made me become more determined and it made me overcome that self- shame that I had for many years and I now have self-worth. I am now looking forward to taking more writing classes and attending conferences. I am glad to say that I am finally doing what makes me happy and I can do it all day long with a smile.